loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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