If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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