If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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