I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
