I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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