How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
