sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
