1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize