I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
