you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
