Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
