You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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