return my video game
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
