It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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