Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
