I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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