Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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