I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
