I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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