Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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