So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
