i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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