Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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