apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
