um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
