i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
