I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
