and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
