dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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