She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
