farters have to be the big spoon...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
