Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
