I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
