we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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