You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
