Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Panties = found
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
