i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
