Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
