I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
