Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
