Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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