thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
