its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
