Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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