Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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