At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
