I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
