Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
