conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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