Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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