Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
