I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize