i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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