It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
