the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
