on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
