there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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