Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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