I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
