I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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