as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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