oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
