Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
