you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
