That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
