Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
40s are totally the cure
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
