i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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