They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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