Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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