If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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