Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
