If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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