this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
