you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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